Recently I’ve been thinking about the pace of my life, and it’s pretty crazy. Only 4 years ago, summer felt like an eternity, but now, it goes by quicker than I’d like. Wednesday felt like the longest day of the week, now Wednesday is only a blink of the eye. Same goes for weekends. Before it felt like I actually had time during the weekend, now it feels like nothing, barely enough time to rest for the upcoming brutal week. Even today, I went to a con, and 12 hours passed without me doing anything much. It went by way to fast, morning to night. And I feel like I can’t keep up with it. It’s scary how time feels like it’s slipping from my fingers, and I never expected such a sentiment would come to me so quickly (at such a young age). I thought only really old people on death’s doorway felt like this but seems like time begins to escape you much earlier on.
I don’t really know what to do. Because everything’s moving by so quickly, it feels like my life has little substance, little to grab onto and hold close. I can listen to music, do things, sleep, relax, but nothing will stop the flow of time. I thought that significant things such as romance and a life changing event would help stop the flow of time, but I’m not even sure about that now. I am thinking that maybe if I do something new every day, it can help me stop that flow of time. But I’m not sure yet. I’ll get back to you as soon as it works.
But first of all, I need to ask myself, why do I want to hold onto time? I think the big idea around it is that I want to more significantly experience things. I want to have more time to observe what is happening to me in hope that maybe it sends me some message of the purpose/meaning of life. Maybe that’s why I yearn to hold on to time so much, so I can eventually figure out that meaning of life. Until I have that figured out, until I know what I want to do every second of my life, I think I will continue to tightly clutch onto the strings of time. Because as of now I don’t use every moment I have purposely, I need more “moments” to attempt to live purposely and equal to how many moments of purposeful living I would have if I actively lived every second in my life until I died.
I seek more time to make up for time lost.