Recently I’ve been thinking about the pace of my life, and it’s pretty crazy. Only 4 years ago, summer felt like an eternity, but now, it goes by quicker than I’d like. Wednesday felt like the longest day of the week, now Wednesday is only a blink of the eye. Same goes for weekends. Before it felt like I actually had time during the weekend, now it feels like nothing, barely enough time to rest for the upcoming brutal week. Even today, I went to a con, and 12 hours passed without me doing anything much. It went by way to fast, morning to night. And I feel like I can’t keep up with it. It’s scary how time feels like it’s slipping from my fingers, and I never expected such a sentiment would come to me so quickly (at such a young age). I thought only really old people on death’s doorway felt like this but seems like time begins to escape you much earlier on.

I don’t really know what to do. Because everything’s moving by so quickly, it feels like my life has little substance, little to grab onto and hold close. I can listen to music, do things, sleep, relax, but nothing will stop the flow of time. I thought that significant things such as romance and a life changing event would help stop the flow of time, but I’m not even sure about that now. I am thinking that maybe if I do something new every day, it can help me stop that flow of time. But I’m not sure yet. I’ll get back to you as soon as it works.

But first of all, I need to ask myself, why do I want to hold onto time? I think the big idea around it is that I want to more significantly experience things. I want to have more time to observe what is happening to me in hope that maybe it sends me some message of the purpose/meaning of life. Maybe that’s why I yearn to hold on to time so much, so I can eventually figure out that meaning of life. Until I have that figured out, until I know what I want to do every second of my life, I think I will continue to tightly clutch onto the strings of time. Because as of now I don’t use every moment I have purposely, I need more “moments” to attempt to live purposely and equal to how many moments of purposeful living I would have if I actively lived every second in my life until I died.

I seek more time to make up for time lost.





Here’s to the present (and Future)

I’m back!

Hello 2016. Although I’ve had some ups and downs with your sibling, 2015, it’s time to put it behind, and move on (for good this time). I guess no matter what happens in the past, you’ve got to take it as it was, be forgiving of it, of yourself back then and yourself now, and continuously remind yourself to turn your attention to the present.

So that’s what I’m here to do. Although I took a very sudden leave of absence from this blog right in the middle of my home-stay, I’m here to start anew now. 🙂 Because it’s not worth it to give up on something just because it got lost along the way.

Just to offer a bit of a background, here are the couple of reasons why I suddenly stopped blogging without notice back then. No, it was not because something bad happened to me. No, I did not fall off the face of the Earth. Actually, it’s much more positive than that. Aside from the practical reason that trying to blog on my phone took up much too much time and was too difficult, I took a break from blogging (which ended up being much longer than expected) because I wanted to experience my time in Japan more deeply.

Probably around the time I began my unexpected hiatus, I received a long email from a dear friend of mine from back home. She reminded that although I was writing wonderful posts, to not over do it. My time in Japan is too precious to lose too much time and energy on simply recording it, rather than enjoying it. She made a very good point: ‘you don’t want to look back at your time in Japan and remember it as mostly consisting of frantic blogging, it’s not worth it.’ (not her exact words, just how they stuck to me)

That’s when I realized the dès vu – the awareness that this will become a memory (word courtesy of the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows) – of my time in Japan. As the weeks silently passed by, I realized how quickly the present became a mere memory. I began to clutch ever so more dearly to the present while trying my best to take everything in, to experience things while I was still in Japan, while I still could. I stopped blogging, and even at a point stopped taking pictures, so I could remove any barriers between myself and my experience, hindering me from fully being present with my host family, myself, and my surroundings.

Thankfully, stopping blogging was the right decision, and it did help me have a better experience in the end. But now that I’m no longer in Japan, it’s a different story. Blogging now, almost half a year being back, would help me in recapitulating and more profoundly processing my experience in Japan. I’ll be posting more pictures of Japan, and also some posts looking in hindsight. Furthermore, I’d like to continue writing in this blog on matters also going beyond Japan, such as anything interesting that intersects my life on a day to day basis. I’ve already started writing some lengthy philosophy in some random word file, so it probably wouldn’t hurt posting some of that up on here also, not keeping it just to myself. 🙂 I’ve found that through writing I’m able to learn more profoundly, think more profoundly, and appreciate more profoundly.

Looking forward to a year of writing. 🙂

Goodbye and goodnight!