Wow, so it has been quite a while since I have written in here. In the meanwhile, I have finished high school in the US and now am in my second year of university in the Netherlands. But you know, it is never too late to pick up an old hobby — although I would also not like to pressure myself to write. Nonetheless, I think it is important to allow yourself to go through with what you feel drawn towards, without fear or hesitation. That is what I felt this morning, sitting down to write. I had an impulse to write, and so I went for it. Although I have been avoiding it for the last couple of years, sometimes it’s important to take a risk to do something unexpected, even if you may not know why or have a clear reason to do so.

This is what I would like to write about, some recent words of advice that have been propelling me forward recently, to take a more laid-back approach to my life.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to a one day Zen retreat in the Netherlands (as it was all I could make time for during my schedule). During the Dharma talk that day, the teacher said something that really shifted my perspective, which I really appreciate, and hope it can help you too. He said, while prompting us to look outside of the meditation hall to the beautiful vista beyond and to eachother, that

‘everything is simply a thingamabob’.

This is difficult to translate, especially outside of context, and because it was said in Dutch, but I will attempt my best to explain its essence, for it to make some sort of sense.

The ‘big idea’, although — which we were able to so clearly understand in that moment through words because we had already vaguely experienced it through meditation — is that everything is connected, and made of the same things, the same essence. In this sense, as the world outside of me is a part of me and I am a part of the world outside me, there is nothing to fear or run away from. Not being afraid of myself, there is no reason to be afraid of anything in the world, as it is of the same nature.

And with this insight, I can more freely live my life. Just reminding myself, in my daily life: “ah, just a thingamabob”, it takes off the pressure and edge I often superimpose onto my life due to anxiety, and I feel like I can relax. It’s like an exhale after a long day at work, after being tense for such a long time you don’t even know you were tense. And then, I can come back to square one and see my life through a clearer perspective, one with hopefully less rigid assumptions and pre-imposed frames onto every event that occurs. It helps me surpass my fear (if only for a moment) and adopt a bit of a more playful attitude, even in difficult situations. Although definitely, this is still something I am working on and probably will be working on for the rest of my life.

Anyway, just a little bit I wanted to share with you. 🙂


2001: A Space Odyssey

2001: A Space Odyssey by Arthur C. Clarke is a rather peculiar novel. To be honest, I don’t quite understand it yet, even after watching the movie and reading the book, but hopefully, I’ll understand it in time. Set in a futuristic 2001, 2001: A Space Odyssey attempts to somewhat understand the human relationship with time and the universe. Written in three parts – one part in prehistoric times when humans were still apes, one part in 2001 during a space exploration exhibition, and one part in a time and space beyond human comprehension – the novel evolves to view the human experience from different perspectives.

What strikes me the most is how very crazy and bizarre all that happens to humanity is in this novel. First, we see the evolution of humankind driven by a black obelisk created by highly advanced extraterrestrial beings. Who would have thought of that – all of our thousands of years of evolution initiated not by pure chance, but by purpose – what purpose, no one knows. I find it difficult to believe, but maybe it’s not that unlikely. I know we humans have a minuscule small grasp of the universe in comparison to all that is the universe. Extraterrestrial Beings coming to our Earth and purposefully initiating our species’ evolution seems as likely to me as a random-chance mutation in the genes of an embryonic baby ape that would have given it the dexterity in its fingers to use tools.

Considering the delight of the evolution of humankind in the first part of the novel, the next part of the novel is much more emotionally tolling to read. It concerns how the artificial intelligence mastermind computer system of a space ship bound to Saturn attempts to kills and kills all of its human passengers, except one, in its attempt to keep to its mission. Clarke describes the actions of the AI – Hal – in this way: “he would protect himself, {from ‘Death’, from not being able to fulfill his mission,} with all the weapons at his command. Without rancor – but without pity – he would remove the source of his frustrations” (193). It’s just so unfortunate and horrible that a machine would destroy his master to fulfill its mission. It reminds me of the self-driving car moral problem I heard recently in a Ted talk. When you have a self-driving car and you lose control on a narrow street with pedestrians crossing it, do you program the car to drive straight on and kill the pedestrians to save you, or crash into the walls and kill you to save the pedestrians? It’s similar in 2001, the programmers unfortunately programed Hal to value the mission over the astronauts.

However, what’s even more unfortunate is the seer loneliness the main character in the second and third part – Bowman – is forced to experience alone on the space ship after his comrades’ deaths and Hal’s ultimate shutdown, millions of miles away from Earth, unlikely to survive himself for too much longer or to ever return. I think I may have gone completely mad in his case, which he almost did if he weren’t to have listened to Bach to alleviate his loneliness. But that complete loneliness that Bowman experience onboard that empty ship, no one on earth could ever experience. Here on earth, we are always surrounded by life, there’s no way we could ever be truly alone except in isolation room thousands of feet beneath the ground, but even then, we would be closer to other humans than Bowman ever was in space.

And yet, it is only the 3rd part of the novel that surprises and confuses the most – when Bowman indescribably travels through space and time and becomes a God. It doesn’t make sense, not in any way that I can understand it. The novel ends with Bowman returning to Earth as a reborn infant and destroying an asteroid that is about to hit Earth. In one way this ending points to the untapped possibility the universe holds for us; however, there is still so much left unanswered and to ponder upon. What is an extraterrestrial’s purpose in taking Bowman and all of Humanity on the journey it went on? Why did they even help humanity in the first place? Why did they make Bowman a God? It doesn’t make sense for now, but maybe the questioning is what’s important.

Goodnight for now, I’m tired ^_^

Have a wonderful day wherever you may find yourself,


“I have nothing to do…

…What should I do with my time?” is something I often ask myself, especially when I have a tiny bit of free time in between my busy schedule, or a lot of time during vacations. It can be really easy to figure out what to do when you have a list of ‘to do’s’ or when someone tells you what to do, but once that’s taken away from you, it becomes a bit more tricky. Often it’s the simple question of do I want to relax or do I want to find myself some work to do (laundry, cleaning up, a new self-directed project)? This often really depends on how tired you are or if you want to be doing something efficient. However, although difficult, I think it would be much more beneficial to have what we do in our free time more carefully thought out and not just left to chance (especially if we’re feeling good and are tired). The sum of what we do in our free time is really what defines who we are and how we live our lives as free people, beyond what is strictly necessary for sustenance.

So now that we know free time is important, what do we do with that free time? How I like to think about it is that what you do in your free time should be in alignment with your values and greater goal in life. However, the majority of us (including me) have a shaky idea of how our values would be physically manifested in our day to day life and absolutely no vision of what our greater goal in life is. So it seems to be that the simplest compromise would be to find out a couple of small things we are certain are important in our lives and to reflect that to what kind of activities we do in our free time. A couple of examples of that would be if  helping the world is important to you, then start small in your free time with watching the news and keeping a journal with ideas that come to you, could be ways other people have made a positive change in the world, or maybe even jotting down some policy ideas. Or if being rested for your planned activities of the day is important to you, make sure you take the time to completely rest. It might seem obvious, but we much too often lose track of what we really want to be doing in each and every moment, or even forget what we were doing (like putting dirty plates in the fridge instead of in the sink, I know I’ve done that before).

I guess the broader idea you can derive from this is that it’s meaningful to have the bigger picture in mind when you are choosing what to do in your free time, but also in other aspects of life. Be true to yourself with what you actually want to do, in the moment and in the long run, because that is the only way you are going to be happy, by doing what you like and find meaningful.

1Q84 by Haruki Murakami

I was going to put this up a long time ago, but I did not quite have the time. Nevertheless, I think it’s important to process books in some way so that the knowledge that you have gained while reading them does not leave you in time. 1Q84 was the book I read almost all of last year outside of required readings for classes. A novel of 1157 pages, it was a hefty reading, but I think it helped me process all that I learned while I was in Japan and much that I have learned in the past few years. Haruki Murakami is my favorite author and the longevity of this novel really emphasizes how skilled Haruki Murakami is at creating a whole new, almost tangible world in his novels even with the surrealist elements he is famous for. When I read 1Q84, I felt like I was living my life side by side with the characters. That’s one reason why I loved it, but I also loved how Murakami always includes tidbits of life-long wisdom or philosophy hidden beneath his words and character, but still relatively easy to decipher. It makes his work accessible to always anyone. Anyway, here are some quotes I found memorable while reading 1Q84. I tried to chose the ones that made the most sense out of context so that there would be as little spoilers as possible.


‘I know you’ve got something inside you that you need to write about, but you can’t get it to come out. It’s like a frightened little animal hiding way back in a cave – you know it’s there, but there’s no way to catch it until it comes out… just give it time.’ (30)


‘Real life is different from math. Things in life don’t necessarily flow over the shortest possible route.’ (58)


A certain something, he felt, had managed to work its way in through a tiny opening and was trying to fill a blank space inside him. The void was not one that Fuka-Eri had made, It had always ben there inside Tengo. She had merely managed to shine a special light on it. (60)


It was Aomame’s firm belief that the human body was a temple, to be kept as strong and beautiful and clean as possible, whatever one might enshrine there. (168)


All I can do is live the life I have. I can’t trade it in for a new one. However strange and misshapen it might be this is it for the gene carrier that is me. (310)


I’m not afraid to die… What I’m afraid of is having reality get the better of me, of having reality leave me behind. (443)


That was the one thing she was hoping – to be accepted and embraced unconditionally, to be comforted by someone,  if only for a moment. (468)


If you can’t understand it without an explanation, you can’t understand it with an explanation. (536)

‘… there are certain meanings that are lost forever the moment they are explained in words.’ (583)


‘Most people and not looking for provable truths. As you said, truth is often accompanied by intense pain, and almost one one is looking for painful truths. What people need is beautiful, comforting stories that make them feel as if their lives have some meaning. Which is where religion comes from.’ (550)


‘…it is just as sinful from the standpoint of nature and of truth to be above oneself as to be below oneself.’ (579)


And come to think of it, isn’t this world we live in itself life a gigantic model room? We come in, sit down, have a cup of tea, gaze out the window at the scenery, and when the time comes we way thank you and leave. (622)


What kind of world will be there tomorrow? ‘No one knows the answer to that.’ Fuka-Eri said. But the world to which Tengo awoke did not appear especially changed from the world he had seen as he fell asleep the night before. (634)


As long as I’m alive, I can think what I want, when I want, any way I want, as much as I want, and nobody can tell me any different. (708)


His life seemed to lose its center of gravity – not that he had ever really had one, but up to that point, other people had placed certain demands and expectations upon him, and responding to them had kept him busy. Once those demands and expectations disappeared, however, there was nothing left worth talking about. His life had no purpose. (725)


I want to live, she decided. It was a strange feeling. Had she ever experience that felling before in her life? (762)


‘But actually time isn’t a straight line. It doesn’t have a shape. In all senses of the term, it doesn’t have any form. But since we can’t picture something without form in our minds, for the sake of convenience we understand it as a straight line.’ (782)


Nature abhors a vacuum. (799)


‘… people aren’t reborn for their own sakes. They can only do it for someone else.’ (863)


‘I think you lost all interest in this world. You were disappointed and discouraged, and lost interest in everything. So you abandoned your physical body. You went to a world apart and you’re living a different kind of life there. In a world that’s inside you.’ (900)


Is this what it means to go back to square one? … He had nothing left to lose, other than his life. It was all very clear-cut. In the darkness. a razor-thin smile came to Ushikawa’s lips. (925)


‘People need routines. It’s like a theme in music. But it also restricts your thoughts and actions and limits your freedom. It structures your priorities and in some cases distorts your logic.’ (972)


The warmth and the pain came as a pair, and unless he accepted the pain, he wouldn’t feel the warmth. It was a kind of trade-off. (1004)


It was such a long time, Tengo thought too. At the same time, though, he noticed how the twenty years that had passed now held no substance. It had all passed by in an instant, and took but an instant to be filled in. (1134)


Whether this place we’ve arrived in is the world we started out from or a whole new world. What do I have to be afraid of? If there are new trials ahead for us, we just have to overcome them, like we’ve done before. That’s all. But at least we’re no longer alone. (1151)


Despite all that happened, I never lost myself … Thank goodness I can be here, as me. Wherever here is. (1152)


‘We needed that much time … to understand how lonely we really were.’ (1154)


Having just read L’Étranger (the Stranger) by Albert Camus, and “La Cantatrice Chauve” by Ionesco – both which deal with man in the face of the absurd – I mercilessly fall upon the question, how will I face death when it comes upon me? Death is very much an absurd thing. We always unconsciously know it is coming to us, or at least we like to pretend that we know, but we have never experienced it or have any hint to what it might really be. We know what the external signs of death are: no pulse, a cessation in breath, no response, and eventual decomposing of the body, but not really what it means to the person that has died since they can no longer tell us. We know it means a termination of living, all that we know how to do, but other than that, does it really mean anything? In Christian tradition, it means that you start with your “next life”, while in Buddhist tradition it means that you are reincarnated. But for us, the living, that does not really matter to us since there is no way to know what happens after death, nor does it really concern us.

This is the point that Albert Camus makes, Death has absolutely no meaning to us since it is not something we can physically grapple with. It is the undefined endpoint to our lives. What really matters is the time we spend before death, because it is all we really have and all we can be sure to have. Knowing and understanding the absurdity but certainty of death makes us free because it forces us out of the self-constructed vicious cycles we create. Vicious cycles such as what Mr. Meursault calls “the machinery of justice” (108) in L’Étranger or the absurdity of language as demonstrated in “La Cantatrice Chauve”. Life at its most basic, the line between the start point of birth and the endpoint of death, is not a vicious cycle. If we are not obsessed with death and remain true to the reality of the present, then we can be free even moments before our death. The eventual coming of death does not have to steal our freedom.

As I think to my death, I cannot understand it. But what I do understand is that I do not need to understand it. I do not need to waste my time thinking about it, because it will come eventually, it will certainly come. Worrying about it just makes me live like a ‘dead man.’ What I should waste my time on is living my life, whatever that may be, and not wishing it were something else. Because as Mr. Meursault reminds us, “a man who had lived only one day could easily live for a hundred years in prison” (79), that is how rich life is.

Wonders of Life

It is such a wonderful thing when you can find just the words you need to express something in your life. Japanese has so many of this words I thought it would be nice to share some of them with you. None of these are my pictures, they are wonderful representations of the words done by BuzzFeed.


I think it is interesting how I have more and more found joy in the small things in life such as komorebi, or any of the other words here really. It really does make my life a happier one overall since I don’t have to wait for something really specific to happen in a day to make it a good day. I no longer have too many requirements to make me happy. All I need is a bit of beauty in nature and that will bring a smile to my face. Maybe even things as simple as a puddle in the road, or the way light shines through the clouds, a nice breeze, or green leaves. It’s a healthier way to be than how I used to be before, and for that I am grateful. These small things can bring me out of my sadness, anger, or close-mindedness. They are my rescue very often. These small things are welcomed reminders of how wonderful and amazing it is to be alive and be able to experience all of these small beauties. I just hope that all people can learn to find small moments of happiness in this way.